My Attraction to Insanity

Saturday night I went to Twinkle Joyo with Naho. Beyond the simple amusement of the name “Twinkle Joyo,” the night was filled with bizarre experiences.

Twinkle Joyo is set up on a hill and is, essentially, a display of Christmas lights. It was surprisingly beautiful and well done, with the lights showing anything from your standard Christmas shapes to classic Japanese characters. I was impressed that such a small town as Joyo would have a massive display like this. The real entertainment, though, was at the bottom of the hill.

There was a small line of booths selling all kinds of food, and more than a few selling massive quantities of beer. At the end of the line of booths was a large stage. When Naho and I first got to Twinkle, some rock group was performing. However, after our tour of the lights, the events on stage got downright… bizarre.

I first noticed that something didn’t seem quite right when, on top of the hill, I heard gangster rap blaring loudly in English. Now, I’m sure you are quite aware of the obscenities often inherent in rap. Think of all your favorite popular and independent rap artists, and I can almost guarantee they were being played, with the only criteria being that djs, or whoever was choosing the music, picked the songs with the most offensive lyrics available. Between this and the overflowing amount of beer, I was trying to figure out how this was a family event… but it was.

After admiring the lights, I convinced Naho to join me in investigating the source of this hip-hop extravaganza. I don’t think my mind was truly prepared for the answer. I’m going to try and explain this, but really, no words of mine could ever do it justice. You had to be there to truly understand the complete lack of sanity.

Apparently, groups in Joyo were having some sort of… dance off… I guess. Now, Japan is in the middle of a huge hip-hop craze, and so that in itself is hysterical. It really looks like most Japanese 14-25 years old buy some “gangster in a can” clothing set, pop it open, and then walk around looking ridiculous. I’ve tried to explain to some of my students in the past just how silly they look, and that somehow wearing uniform pants down to their ankles don’t make them look cool, but all attempts failed. Regardless, as silly as Japanese sometimes look trying to be “ghetto” it looks even funnier when they are dancing.

I must say that the first group was decent. It was a bunch of guys doing some sort of break dancing, and I concede that they were fairly athletic and inventive. After that it just went downhill. Dear god, I wish I could describe this, but I just don’t have the words. Group after group of Japanese youth in various states of undress moving around onstage as if controlled by a spastic puppeteer. You just can’t pay to see things this bizarre.

While my mind was being systematically raped by the horrors presented onstage, the custodian of one of my schools happened to spot me. This is, by the way, the same individual that to communicate with me draws large, elaborate, and completely unintelligible pictures in the dirt. I give him credit for trying, but I never have any idea what the hell he’s saying. Anyway, he was trashed off his ass, and decided to introduce me to his entire extended family. He grabbed me by the hand and just pulled me all over the place, occasionally pausing to either have a drink or introduce me to his wife’s mother. All the while, his daughter and her boyfriend followed along trying unsuccessfully to stop him, as his actions were apparently embarrassing. I wish I knew what he was saying at any time, because it had to be hysterical, but unfortunately Naho is not very good at translating on the fly. The one thing I did understand, though, was when he asked her if she was my girlfriend, and she responded “oh no, just a friend.”

Now this led me to a small amount of confusion, mainly because she said it with such a “what? Why in the world would you think that?” Well, I personally was thinking more along those lines myself, but maybe only because some of the strange signals she’s been giving me. Now, yes, we’ve been on a few dates, but I didn’t think much of that. However, what would you think if you were: going out Christmas Eve with a girl (the biggest date night in Japan), invited to spend winter break with her family out by Hiroshima, and invited to join on the yearly family only ski trip, as well as been on a multitude of “date” like things such as dinner/movie deals and yes, even Twinkle Joyo. And here I thought that she was coming on to me a wee bit on the strong side.

What I found out later that night was that, while women are crazy, Japanese women are possibly batshit insane. After Twinkle Joyo, the two of us went to a local bar and had a few drinks. I mentioned the encounter with my teacher and her response, and suddenly, she lost all control of her bladder. At least, that’s one possible explanation for why, over the course of the rest of our conversation, she made about 10 trips to the bathroom. The other two options, of course, were that she was thinking of the proper English response (her English is good but not perfect) or consulting friends through a cell phone. In the end, I have no idea, but I’m leaning towards bladder control loss.

In the end, she answered my questions mainly in Japanese, which I’m proud to say that while I can’t speak, I’m getting pretty decent at understanding (as long as they’re talking slowly). Let me tell you, it sucks to have to translate as you’re being rejected. Or maybe rejected. I’m not quite sure. I think she said something like “I haven’t known you very long to date you.” And yet you’ve known me long enough to have me staying with your family and go on family vacations? I’m confused.

I think the kicker was when I asked a Japanese friend of mine for advice. She said that “Well, she’s probably thinking that two months isn’t long enough to know someone to start thinking about marriage.” Now, wait just one goddamn second here. Marriage? Wow… I think there’s some sort of cultural misunderstanding going on. I just am not sure if I want to know more about it.

Here I Come Again

I am aware that I have not written here in quite a while. There are several reasons for this, from exhaustion as a result from sickness to having a shitton of work to do at any given time, but in the end, the main reason is pure unadulterated laziness. I’ll see if I can correct that.

Last week I went to my first bon enkai. The best translation for that is “a party to forget the previous year.” And what exactly is the best way to forget something? Massive quantities of alcohol, which the Japanese are all too happy to consume.

This particular bon enkai was for one of my junior high schools. It’s actually quite rare for an AET like myself to be invited to join, but still the invitation came out, and Suzie and I traveled to Kyoto to join in the festivities at a Chinese restaurant.

First, let me say this. The Japanese are, for the most part, a very reserved people. The adults are, at least (the kids are all too willing to grab my crotch or punch me in the balls. Sigh). At this particular school, maybe only three teachers spoke to me while I was there, with those three teachers being the English teachers. Beyond them, I was practically invisible, with everyone ignoring me. However, if you add alcohol, everything changes.

I discovered that no less then four additional teachers spoke English. What is this now? I tried talking to you people every day for two weeks and was only rewarded with blank stares. How is it that when sober, you can’t comprehend a single word I say, yet when drunk, you can ask me anything at all, from my weight to what kind of women I like? I am so incredibly confused by this.



In Japan, it’s customary for you to not pour your own drinks. It is, I suppose, something of an honor to pour drinks for other people, especially guests. I had a line of people waiting to pour me drinks, and god help me if my glass of beer was not finished by the time someone came around. If that happened, it would then be demanded that I chug my beer so that I may have another. That was fine at first, but then when it was sake and Japanese wine, well, the spiral towards intoxication came about quickly. I even wanted to try and moderate myself, but it’s difficult when you’re constantly being forced to drink more and more.

After the Chinese restaurant, about 10 of us went to Karaoke. It was me, Suzie, and 8 Japanese guys over the age of 40. Going to Karaoke. Wasted. Fun times were had by all. I was asked to try and sing a duet of Mamma Mia by Abba with one old guy who didn’t speak a word of English., but he was drunk enough to randomly shout out MAMMA MIA and dance around the booth. This is a guy who never spoke to me before, and when I next see him, won’t even acknowledge my existence, but for the evening, we were good friends. Such is the Japanese way, I suppose.



If you ever have the chance, get drunk with a group of old Japanese folk. There’s no one funnier… especially when they’re singing Nirvana.

I Beat the Drum Slowly

Here is a brief clip of a practice for my first taiko concert. Just so you know, the sound is a little off (a bit on the low quality side) and the little kid playing the cymbol thing... well, it was his first time, so that's why he's all over the place. Still, though, here is a Walrus beating the drum: