Learning the Language

I’ve been told that my Japanese is getting better. I’m told this on an almost daily basis. Sometimes, people even say that my Japanese is very good. I know that they’re just being polite. Take, for instance, the following conversation that I had:

Japanese Person (JP): Why are you here at the board of education and not at school?

Me: Class not.

JP: Oh, I see.

Me: 2^nd years, where they go? I don’t know. 3^rd years present college students. 1^st years I don’t know.

JP: Oh, I see.

Me: Here I come. Here Japanese study. Nishi last. Next week Higashi.

JP: Oh, I see. Your Japanese is very good!

I feel like a drunken hillbilly child. Not only does my Japanese ability seem more like the words of babies, I can’t seem to use it when I need it most. While at the board of education, I was, out of boredom, typing up a journal entry. A man I have never seen before comes up right behind me and starts staring at the computer screen over my shoulder. I look at him and he says “I can’t read English.” Ok, I figured as much. Most Japanese can’t. So… yes? He then sits down next to me and starts staring at me. I figured he was expecting some sort of response, so I just said, “I can’t read Japanese.” Now, I’m not sure what this did. On one hand, I could have sparked his curiosity and, having just said a Japanese phrase, he might have assumed I can speak Japanese. On the other hand, he could have realized that, in some small way, I was mocking him, and thus became very angry. I don’t know and, since I can’t speak Japanese, I will never know. Regardless of the answer, he went into this tirade. He just started talking, and wouldn’t stop. Whatever he said must have been interesting, because he was obviously getting excited, but I’ll be damned if I know. This went on for about five minutes; he just kept talking and would not stop. After a while, he finished his speech, and resumed staring. Once again, I figured I should say something. I then resorted to what I always say when I don’t understand what’s being told to me. I simply say in Japanese, “Yes!”

Of course, I’ve found this is a really bad idea. Through a bizarre series of events and about five office ladies talking to me in Japanese, during which I just kept saying “はい” (that means yes), I think I just agreed to cook sweat potatoes for the entire office on Wednesday. I’m not sure how we got to that point, but we did, and I think I’m cooking.

Then there are times when it can be somewhat… scary. I was just handed a sheet of paper that had a plethora of pictures of spiders on it and a bunch of Japanese writing. Confused, I asked the lady who gave it to me. Naturally, she speaks no English, and all I could understand was: spider, Australia, Joyo, many, dangerous, you die. That’s all. So, now, I must begin my battle with the many dangerous Australian spiders, because if they bite you, you die. Now if only I could tell what kind of spiders are the dangerous Australian ones, but I don’t know that much Japanese to ask.