Thank you, John, Paul, George, and Ringo

School starts on Thursday, and my first school is called Higashi Joyo Junior High. I figured it would be a good idea to travel to the school yesterday just so that I know how to get there. It was successful in that sense. Now, however, I realize why everyone would laugh at the Board of Education when I said my first school was Higashi. It's the furthest of any of the schools, and about half the trip is up this gigantic hill. The hill's not too steep, but it's just incredibly long. I ended up walking most of the way up the hill, which caused the trip to take around 35 minutes. However, I had never felt so exhausted in my life. I was able to do it, though, and after this, getting anywhere else is going to seem like a piece of cake. Plus, I know I'm going to lose weight doing this.

At one point, I wanted to make sure I was on the right track, so I stopped into a convenience store to ask for directions (which I can kinda do). The clerk didn’t know, so she in turn asked a nice man with his family. He pointed me on the correct path, which was exactly how I was headed, and I continued on my journey. Just as the hill gets much steeper, and I’m practically falling over the bike, pushing myself onward, when the guy pulls up next to me in his van. He rolls down the window and says 未だ　未だ　which means “still a ways to go.” Then, he drives off yelling 頑張って　which is a Japanese word that essentially means “Go for it!” “You can do it” and “Good Luck!” Yeah, thanks dude, I appreciate the encouragement.

Coming back, I felt really confident because it's all downhill. I decided at that point that I need some sort of battle cry in Japanese while traveling quickly on back. Something like “I can’t stop” or “Stupid gaijin coming through” or just “Gaijin Smash!” I think that will cause the unwary to stay out of my path as I speed down the hill without the ability to stop.

Somehow, though, I took a wrong turn. I suddenly realized I was really lost. My two clues to this were when I realized I’ve hit a flat area that I’ve been biking on for about 15 minutes and had no conception of where I was, and when I saw a sign for Kyotanabe, which is about two towns over from Joyo. Once again, I used my caveman Japanese language skills and was able to get kinda on the right track. Some guy was even kind enough to draw me a map, which was completely useless. So, I proceeded to get lost yet again. What saved me, though, was I ran into a Japanese guy who spoke a little English because he's in a Beatles cover band! How's that for crazy! Anyway, he was headed to Terada station (right next to my apartment) so I followed him back. I probably tripled the amount of time the trip should have taken.

When I got home, I was exhausted, physically and mentally. Then, I looked into the mirror, and I feared for any random Japanese passersby that happened to have seen me. I was soaked in sweat, and looking thoroughly disheveled, unpleasant, and angry. Fear the fat gaijin.

Speaking of fearing the gaijin, Ray and I traveled into Kyoto today to figure out where the orientation is that we have to go to tomorrow (I’m really getting tired of these useless orientations). When approaching the Kyoto subway, we realized we were about to miss the train. Ray said wait for the next one, and I instead replied, “let’s run for it.” So, we did. I charged full speed towards the opening of the subway car. Standing just inside the car was this middle-aged Japanese woman in a kimono. I wish I could have photographed the look on her face when she glanced up. Just imagine her surprise when she notices a giant gaijin, already sweaty from the heat, running full speed directly at her. She quickly jumped away from the entrance to the car (I wouldn’t have run into her, I don’t think) and then moved to the back of the car, as far from me as possible.

Anyway, because of the Beatles’ apparent English teaching abilities, I’ve never had such a warm love for John, Paul, George, and Ringo.

I Fear For My Ass

I learned about a nice little Japanese custom often found in the elementary (and occassionally junior high) schools. It's called a "kancho," and what it involves is the kancho-er sneak up behind someone, make their hand essentially into the shape of a gun, and then ram those first two fingers up the poor person's ass. Apparently, bonus points are awarded for successfully hitting the center. I don't know why this exists, I'm not sure why it exists, but my god, I'm dreading my first elementary visit (which I believe is in November, so I've got a while to prepare).

What is slightly more disconcerning is a similar game that exists in the Junior High Schools. Rather than go for the back, the male students instead go for the front, and attempt to grab the junk. This apparently only happens to foreigners, as there exists the myth of the "bigu diku," which I'm sure you can translate for yourself. From how I understand it, they just want to see if the size is truly large. Simple juvenile curiosity, I suppose, but somehow I'm none too cool with the idea. A hoard of 13 year old males grabbing for the Tusk? I can think of better games to play.

Tomorrow I go to Kyoto for an orientation, which includes a walking tour of Kyoto as well as drinks at a beer garden (essentially all you can drink for 3 hours). This should be a fun day.

I start school next Thursday, and I recently discovered that on my first day, I must give a speech to the whole school. In Japanese. I'm not sure how well that will go, but it'll be a trip!

~RW

Cook the Chicken, Please

There’s been a whole lot going on, but with my lack of internet to directly post, I keep forgetting to type up little entries for my blog detailing my experiences. Oh well, I’ll just do my best.

Last night we went out for Suzie’s birthday with a bunch of her friends, which proved to be very interesting. First we went to a bar/restaurant for food and drinks, which was called Forms: Food Place. I found it amusing. The meal consisted of a variety of different plates brought out, intended for sharing. For the most part, I had no idea what I was eating, but the one dish that I knew what it was, I would not try, mainly because I am not all about eating raw chicken. Apparently, that’s a bit of a delicacy, and the natives were mocking Ray, Suzie, James (this British friend of Suzie’s, he teaches at a private school in Uji) and I for fearing the raw chicken. I’ll try a lot of things, but I don’t think I can extinguish certain sensibilities.

As usual when I meet new people here, they are immediately amazed by my size, and must constantly talk about how big I am. Then there’s the touching. I was warned this might happen, but last night was the first time. It was almost as if they could not believe their eyes, that such a person as I existed, so they had to touch me to convince themselves. Sometimes, it would be a bit awkward, but I got used to it. Then they all tried to see if anyone could get their hands around my arm (none could) and comparing my arm to various body parts on them. One guy is convinced that my arm is thicker than his girlfriend’s waste. Normally, if people would feel the need to constantly discuss my size, I’d feel offended, but here there’s such a culture of open honesty that it’s almost… refreshing.

Well, drinks were had, games were played (one game involving putting keys into the slots of this crazy… I dunno how to describe it, see picture, and then if you put the wrong key in the wrong hole the cat on top shoots out. Crazy) and massive amounts of food was consumed. I kept drinking and drinking, but unfortunately was unable to get drunk last night. However, the other folks tried their best to keep up with me, and let’s just say they failed. At one point I accidentally ordered both a beer and a whiskey at the same time, and several folks were so impressed, cause they never saw anyone double fist it before. When it comes to drinking, I am a god here.

When settling the tab in Japan, you don’t calculate how much you personally consumed. Rather, all drinks and food items are added up, and then divided evenly amongst the group. Normally, this works well for me since I can run up a hefty bar tab, but this place was rather expensive and I wasn’t the only one drinking hard, so each person ended up owing about 10,000 yen. That’s about a $100. It was an expensive night. The bar tab total was a little over $1,000.

So, after the bar we hit up a karaoke place where I played the crazy stupid fat foreigner card, and thus amused everyone. Thankfully, someone else took most of the pictures that featured me acting like a damn fool, so I won’t be able to share those with you. Anyway, karaoke is quite the obsession (you wouldn’t believe how nice these booths are) and I didn’t get back until around 2:30. Much to my sadness, I found that the trains stop running in Japan at midnight, and that Japanese taxis can be very expensive.

It was a good night overall, and I made some friends who can barely speak English. However, I’ve learned that it is very much possible to communicate without language abilities, and often leads to amusing misunderstandings. Good times though.

Its Eyes Keep Staring At Me 08/17

So, tonight we had our office welcome party. In response to the festivities, if you would have asked me this morning what I’d be doing today, last on the list would be biting the head off a fish. Sure enough, that was definitely something I did today. I can’t say it was good or bad… it was just.. well… I bit the head off a fish today. I think that speaks for itself.

I later learned that the overall bill for that evening was 9,000 yen, about $90 per person. 5,000 for the food, 4,000 for the alcohol. I didn't have to pay (since it was my party) but by god I definitely drank my share of that 4,000. The middle aged Japanese men kept trying to keep up with me, but in the end, they failed and stumbled home, as I kept going strong.

You Lie! 08/14

Well, today was an interesting day, and while I’m tempted to start at the beginning, as would be logical, I find the need to start at the end. Y’know the old saying “It’s just like riding a bike,” implying that you never forget how to ride a bike? Well, it’s a LIE! I haven’t ridden a bike since I was in the 6^th grade. Tonight, on my journey to the local okonomiyaki shop (it was open this time) I decided I needed practice with bike riding. So, I rode it for the first time. Judging by the reactions of the people, there is nothing funnier than an incredibly large gaijin attempting, and failing, to ride a bicycle. Throughout the whole trip, my hands were shaking, and thus the handlebars, causing me to venture all over the rode. The best was when I tried to turn on to my street, coming home. I was unable to turn and went straight into a wall. I saw this cute little girl laughing her ass off. To make matters worse, in doing so, I ripped the only pair of khaki pants that I own here. Overall, a frightening experience, and one I’m not looking forward to doing again… cause I know I’ll have to.

Today for lunch, Ray and I decided to do what many office workers do: we purchased a small to go lunch at the supermarket, than ate at the office. The choices are numerous and the price is very cheap (I ate my fill for 220 yen). At the office, however, everyone felt the need to come over and see what the large gaijin was eating, and then comment upon how I didn’t get any rice with my meal. You’d think I just committed the gravest sin in all of food consumption. However, I did have a small victory in that they were amazed at how good my chopsticks skills were.

Coming home I turned on my television to be greeted by a children’s show with three guys singing Puff the Magic Dragon in Japanese. Overly surreal.

Finally, I’ve been waiting months to try okonomiyaki. I was told by several that it would be the greatest thing I’d ever have here. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. For the first time since coming here, I had to suppress the gag reflex, and several times, since I had to eat this giant thing the nice lady served me. That was the bonus. She was the nicest person I met here, and ever though she spoke no English and I spoke only a word or two of Japanese, we were able to communicate as to where I’m from, who my fellow workers are, and where I live, plus what I wanted to eat.

You Don't Speak English?

So, tonight I had a rough gaijin experience. I wanted to go out to eat dinner, and there’s an okonomiyaki restaurant near where I live, and since I’ve always wanted to try okonomiyaki, I was excited. I got there and it was closed. Saddened, I was still determined to make my first meal purchase by myself, and so decided to stop into the next food place I saw.

On a side note, small restaurants are all over the place here. It’s like the bars in Millvale, only more so. This could get bad if the food is consistently good.

Anyway, I went into this small little restaurant (I think they’re called ensai) which was operated by a man and his wife. I was the only customer in the place, and so the wife immediately moved to take my order. I expressed my inability to speak Japanese, so I took the menu, and just pointed to something. She said “beer.” So, I pointed to something else. Her response was “wine.” I tried again, and it was sake. Now, I was going all over the menu, and she indicated that there was food on this menu, but I’ll be damned if I could find it. By now, she is getting irritated so she calls over her husband. I decide to try a new approach, and just began rattling off every type of Japanese food I knew. With each no, the guy started to get really pissed off. When I finally got to “udon” I figure he had enough, and just pointed to his right, towards the exit, and said in a stern voice “udon blah blah blah I’m speaking Japanese and you don’t understand.” So, I apologized profusely and got the hell out of there.

I now realize how much my lack of Japanese will cause me problems. I think the first thing on my “to do” list is to learn the words and kanji for about 15 different meals, so that I can immediately get an idea of whether or not a place carries that food. I hope that will work.

I do not feel discouraged, though. Tomorrow Ray and I are going exploring around Joyo, so I’ll get a little more practice with him, then on Sunday, victory will be mine.

Ahhhh Tokyo

I am happy to say that I've made it to Japan and all is well with me. The flight was horrible, 14 hours of constant pain, but since getting to Tokyo, I feel much relieved. This will probably be my only post for a week or two, as I leave for Joyo tomorrow and it will probably take me quite a while to get my internet set up.

Last night, I discovered the wonders of nomihodai. Nomi = to drink, and hodai = endless supply, or something like that. So, all you can drink (and eat) for 3000 yen ($30). Now, considering one drink will run you about 500 yen and just one plate of this food about another 700, you can see how quickly I can get my money's worth. I drank more than I really should have, and ate an even greater amount, but it was wonderful.

An interesting thing I've noticed in Tokyo so far. You see people smoking everywhere. However, it is nearly impossibly to find an ashtray, and looking on the ground, you don't see any cigarette butts. So, what happens to all of them? Do they eat them? I don't know! I get confused.

Tokyo, though, is a wonderful city, and I don't see how I could ever get enough of it. Sadly, I leave Tokyo tomorrow, so I get but a small taste of the place. Tonight I'm going with some people from my prefecture for yet another Nomihodai (I don't see this becoming a regular thing, though) and I'm going to try and hit up Kabuki-cho. Kabuki-cho is an area of Shinjuku, and the Tokyo guidebook given to us at orientation states "Both CLAIR and the Tokyo police recommend JETs stay out of Kabuki-cho," due to it's known association with yakuza. However, Miike did a lot of filming there, so I want to check it out. Should be fun.

No pictures yet, as I haven't taken my camera anywhere (I'm nervous to carry it around). It'll happen, though, don't worry.

-RW