That is mine, NOT yours to touch
So, today was a day of firsts. I still can’t say if it was good or bad, just that it was really surreal, and very few things I would ever like to repeat again. The craziness technically starts yesterday. On Mondays, I leave school for the last two periods and report to the Board of Education, to just sit around and wait for any important information. Yesterday, I walked into the BOE to find a plastic cup and a plastic bag with a bottle about the size of my pinky in it. Ok, this is unusual. I'm not entire sure what's going on here. So, I call over Ogino-sensei, as he speaks the best English of anyone in the office, and occassionally when he gets flustered he does the "Snake Dance." It's really indescribable, but I suppose the best way to put it into words is to imagine a 60 year old moving his upper body like a snake... trust me, it's amusing.
Saying that Ogino-sensei speaks the best English does not really mean he speaks good English. He just happens to know a few words, which means I have a better chance of communicating with him. He comes over, and I point to the cup, asking "what is this?" Ogino's answer is transcribed here word for word: "Hmmm... Ashita, asa, here." Ok, tomorrow morning, come here... "Eto......... ni-juu-ni-ji, no tabamono, no nomimono, no smoking." Tonight at 10 p.m., I can no longer eat, drink, or smoke... I fear where this is going. "Asa, medical checku." A medical check? What? "Eto..... blood... take." I take my blood somewhere? Someone takes my blood? I'm meeting an early morning vampire? "Cupu... uchi.................. PISS!" Ok, so, first, I was just told to piss in the cup at home. Do I then just happily carry the cup filled with my piss to work? I mean, I can't piss in the bottle, it's way too small. Secondly, after searching for the word in his mind, he was so happy he thought of it, he exclaimed "piss" at the top of his lungs... fair enough. That's about all I got from him.
Once Ray and Suzie got in, I was able to get some more information. Apparently, I piss in the cup, then, somehow, transfer the piss from the cup into the bottle (side note, i did succeed, but the process is not one I'd like to talk about). Beyond that, the extent of this medical examination was unknown except that they're taking my blood. I realized today that Japanese medical examinations suck.
Apparently, all employees of the local government have to get examined over the course of three days. I was elected to go today, was told where it was, and was sent on my way. I arrive at the location, and walk into a giant auditorium, where there are several stations set up, and you proceed from one station to another, being poked, prodded, and electrocuted with a variety of instruments. Naturally, the stations began with a form that needed to be filled out and a questionaire about current illness. I do not read Japanese, and so naturally I couldn't fill it out on my own. There just happened to be an old dude that spoke a little English and had a list of medical terms in English, and he offered to assist me. Unfortunately, none of the medical terms he had applied to anything on the form, and since he did not know the words, he decided to act out each illness, and then shake my head yes or no. Needless to say, a 70 year old man acting like he has heart pain, breathing problems, and diabetes is much funnier than it should have been.
With much effort, we got the bare minimum filled out. I then embarked on my journey throughout the auditorium and, as it turns out, outside, where they were doing the X-rays. I don't remember most of the "events" as they were fairly normal test your hearing, test your vision, take a picture of your eyeball type stuff, but some stood out. One, for example, I had to get naked and lie down on a table. I say table, and that's exactly what it was: a folding table with a blanket on it. I wish that this was the lowest of hygenic fears here, but it did get worse. Regardless, I lied down naked on the table, which nearly collapsed under my weight (and the lady tried to move incredibly quickly as the table kept shaking and making noises). Then, she attached giant clips and wires to my arms and legs, then to my chest, then my stomach. She told me to relax (well, she just said "relax" and a bunch of Japanese words, so I guessed as much) and laid there for a good ten minutes. What was done, I don't know. I think she just stood back at that point and laughed, but you got me.
Down the line, I had to give a sample of blood, and let me tell you, this was disgusting. No gloves were worn by the attendants, and it took place on a fairly communcal table, with little sanitization between people. Thankfully, the needles were prepackaged, but that's about it. This was not cool by me. Add my fear of needles going into my arm and the lack of food, water, and nicotine, and I became one disturbed Walrus. After the exam, I was so nausiated by this experience I had to run home, where the dry heaving lasted quite a while. Not pleasant, not cool, and not something I want to do again.
So, firsts here were Japanese medical exam, pissing and transferring my piss from one container to another, unsanitary blood giving, and watching an old man pretend to have a heart attack for my benefit. I wish the day got better.
After the exam, I had to quickly get to school, as I had a class to teach shortly. I made it a minute before class began, so I ran upstairs and got everything ready. When the students were filing into the room, I was happily drinking some water, trying to rest. Then, the single most shocking event in my life happened.
This was a sannensei class, and usually they're the best, as they have the best English skills. Plus, Saito-sensei was the teacher, and she's the most effective one there, so I figured a group of fun but knowledgable students. I did not expect that, as one student was walking in, while I was drinking my water, his hand quickly shot out, grabbed my junk, and retreated. This was not some idle small grab, but rather, a full cup of the whole shebang. I was so alarmed by this violation that water immediately flew from my mouth and nose, and I just kinda stood there shocked for a moment. Then, the verbal berating began, mostly in English but, when possible, Japanese. I tried to explain that No, this is NOT cool, that you do NOT touch that, that it is MINE, not YOURS. The student's reaction? Laughter. Peels of laughter.
I knew that such a thing was possible, even likely to happen, but you just can't prepare yourself for a 15 year old to suddenly without warning grab your cock. I am sooooo not cool with this happening. What's worse, is that my reaction apparently caused enough amusement that for the rest of the day, said student had to continually try for my crotch. Thankfully, I was ready, and so prevented any repeat violations, but still. The mere knowledge that some kid is going for my crotch just fills me with... paranoia. Plus, he decided that since he can't get it, he must get his friends to help. Thus, the entire day, not only did I have one kid trying to grab the junk, but rather a plethora of kids with the same goal. The worst was when I mentioned that since I am much bigger than he is, I can easily stop him and, if necessary, break him. He stopped, thought about it for a moment, and scampered off. I hoped that I scared him into submission, but no, he just felt the need to get creative. He returned a moment later with a BROOM! Now, I'm not sure if he was going to try and poke me in the crotch with the broom, use the broom as a distraction while he went in for the gold, or just use the broom as self defense should I try and kill him after he grabs my cock. I don't know, and thankfull, I never found out. He moved the broom forward, and thus I wrenched it out of his hands and, with no grace, ran away.
Despite the crotch grabbing and medical hell, today had its really good points. I had three classes today, all of which were my best yet. The kids got really into my presentation, and we just had quite a bit of fun. I felt that I really accomplished something. However, as I mentioned before, the kids love the Heinz Pickle Pins, and I'm quickly running out, so I am less forthcoming with them. Thus, if the students get wind of the fact that I might have some on me, I am immediately mobbed, with students trying to get their hands into my pockets. After one class, I had fifteen students literally climbing all over me, begging for pins. I think the funny part of this is that they keep repeating "pickles prease."
Saying that Ogino-sensei speaks the best English does not really mean he speaks good English. He just happens to know a few words, which means I have a better chance of communicating with him. He comes over, and I point to the cup, asking "what is this?" Ogino's answer is transcribed here word for word: "Hmmm... Ashita, asa, here." Ok, tomorrow morning, come here... "Eto......... ni-juu-ni-ji, no tabamono, no nomimono, no smoking." Tonight at 10 p.m., I can no longer eat, drink, or smoke... I fear where this is going. "Asa, medical checku." A medical check? What? "Eto..... blood... take." I take my blood somewhere? Someone takes my blood? I'm meeting an early morning vampire? "Cupu... uchi.................. PISS!" Ok, so, first, I was just told to piss in the cup at home. Do I then just happily carry the cup filled with my piss to work? I mean, I can't piss in the bottle, it's way too small. Secondly, after searching for the word in his mind, he was so happy he thought of it, he exclaimed "piss" at the top of his lungs... fair enough. That's about all I got from him.
Once Ray and Suzie got in, I was able to get some more information. Apparently, I piss in the cup, then, somehow, transfer the piss from the cup into the bottle (side note, i did succeed, but the process is not one I'd like to talk about). Beyond that, the extent of this medical examination was unknown except that they're taking my blood. I realized today that Japanese medical examinations suck.
Apparently, all employees of the local government have to get examined over the course of three days. I was elected to go today, was told where it was, and was sent on my way. I arrive at the location, and walk into a giant auditorium, where there are several stations set up, and you proceed from one station to another, being poked, prodded, and electrocuted with a variety of instruments. Naturally, the stations began with a form that needed to be filled out and a questionaire about current illness. I do not read Japanese, and so naturally I couldn't fill it out on my own. There just happened to be an old dude that spoke a little English and had a list of medical terms in English, and he offered to assist me. Unfortunately, none of the medical terms he had applied to anything on the form, and since he did not know the words, he decided to act out each illness, and then shake my head yes or no. Needless to say, a 70 year old man acting like he has heart pain, breathing problems, and diabetes is much funnier than it should have been.
With much effort, we got the bare minimum filled out. I then embarked on my journey throughout the auditorium and, as it turns out, outside, where they were doing the X-rays. I don't remember most of the "events" as they were fairly normal test your hearing, test your vision, take a picture of your eyeball type stuff, but some stood out. One, for example, I had to get naked and lie down on a table. I say table, and that's exactly what it was: a folding table with a blanket on it. I wish that this was the lowest of hygenic fears here, but it did get worse. Regardless, I lied down naked on the table, which nearly collapsed under my weight (and the lady tried to move incredibly quickly as the table kept shaking and making noises). Then, she attached giant clips and wires to my arms and legs, then to my chest, then my stomach. She told me to relax (well, she just said "relax" and a bunch of Japanese words, so I guessed as much) and laid there for a good ten minutes. What was done, I don't know. I think she just stood back at that point and laughed, but you got me.
Down the line, I had to give a sample of blood, and let me tell you, this was disgusting. No gloves were worn by the attendants, and it took place on a fairly communcal table, with little sanitization between people. Thankfully, the needles were prepackaged, but that's about it. This was not cool by me. Add my fear of needles going into my arm and the lack of food, water, and nicotine, and I became one disturbed Walrus. After the exam, I was so nausiated by this experience I had to run home, where the dry heaving lasted quite a while. Not pleasant, not cool, and not something I want to do again.
So, firsts here were Japanese medical exam, pissing and transferring my piss from one container to another, unsanitary blood giving, and watching an old man pretend to have a heart attack for my benefit. I wish the day got better.
After the exam, I had to quickly get to school, as I had a class to teach shortly. I made it a minute before class began, so I ran upstairs and got everything ready. When the students were filing into the room, I was happily drinking some water, trying to rest. Then, the single most shocking event in my life happened.
This was a sannensei class, and usually they're the best, as they have the best English skills. Plus, Saito-sensei was the teacher, and she's the most effective one there, so I figured a group of fun but knowledgable students. I did not expect that, as one student was walking in, while I was drinking my water, his hand quickly shot out, grabbed my junk, and retreated. This was not some idle small grab, but rather, a full cup of the whole shebang. I was so alarmed by this violation that water immediately flew from my mouth and nose, and I just kinda stood there shocked for a moment. Then, the verbal berating began, mostly in English but, when possible, Japanese. I tried to explain that No, this is NOT cool, that you do NOT touch that, that it is MINE, not YOURS. The student's reaction? Laughter. Peels of laughter.
I knew that such a thing was possible, even likely to happen, but you just can't prepare yourself for a 15 year old to suddenly without warning grab your cock. I am sooooo not cool with this happening. What's worse, is that my reaction apparently caused enough amusement that for the rest of the day, said student had to continually try for my crotch. Thankfully, I was ready, and so prevented any repeat violations, but still. The mere knowledge that some kid is going for my crotch just fills me with... paranoia. Plus, he decided that since he can't get it, he must get his friends to help. Thus, the entire day, not only did I have one kid trying to grab the junk, but rather a plethora of kids with the same goal. The worst was when I mentioned that since I am much bigger than he is, I can easily stop him and, if necessary, break him. He stopped, thought about it for a moment, and scampered off. I hoped that I scared him into submission, but no, he just felt the need to get creative. He returned a moment later with a BROOM! Now, I'm not sure if he was going to try and poke me in the crotch with the broom, use the broom as a distraction while he went in for the gold, or just use the broom as self defense should I try and kill him after he grabs my cock. I don't know, and thankfull, I never found out. He moved the broom forward, and thus I wrenched it out of his hands and, with no grace, ran away.
Despite the crotch grabbing and medical hell, today had its really good points. I had three classes today, all of which were my best yet. The kids got really into my presentation, and we just had quite a bit of fun. I felt that I really accomplished something. However, as I mentioned before, the kids love the Heinz Pickle Pins, and I'm quickly running out, so I am less forthcoming with them. Thus, if the students get wind of the fact that I might have some on me, I am immediately mobbed, with students trying to get their hands into my pockets. After one class, I had fifteen students literally climbing all over me, begging for pins. I think the funny part of this is that they keep repeating "pickles prease."
posted by S A B at 2:11 AM
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