The Final Battle... for four months, at least

No peace exists for English teachers. Today, I had only two classes and then, because I had to work on my holiday on Monday, I got the rest of the day off. My last class at Higashi until February, though, could have gone a lot better. During class, we were playing a rousing game of Pictionary using English words. Unfortunately for my self esteem, I occasionally give words like Steven or English Teacher or anything such thing in which they’d have to draw me. This is a mistake, as in the eyes of the students, apparently, I am the size Godzilla. In fact, for most of them, I probably am Godzilla. While most pictures they draw take up a corner of the page, I take up the whole damn page. There go any positive perceptions of self…

When playing Pictionary, I’ll take the students out in the hallway to give them the words. Today, while in the hallway, we were standing next to another English class, this one being taught by Small One, a very, very tiny woman. The only things smaller then her are her English ability and her outgoing personality. I mean, she seems nice, but what the hell is she doing teaching? Regardless, in Small One’s class, for god only knows what reason, she was playing N’Sync as loud as humanly possible. I mean, N’Sync was just filling the hallways.

Now, there are two things wrong with this: first, what in the name of god could students learn by listening to N’Sync, except that there is no god in America? Second, why the hell did she have to play it so loud? I went back into my classroom, closed the door, and while trying to conduct class was still bombarded with “I want it that way” over and over again. She had the one song on repeat… and it was horrible.

In my class, as luck would have it, was Ninja Wannabe. He wasted no time in going for both my handkerchief and my monkey, and indeed spent the entire class completely focused on grabbing either item, or just my ass. I don’t think he cared which one he got, but by god, he was going to get one of them.

After class, the horrors truly began. The teacher had carelessly mentioned that this was my last day at Higashi. Thus, the need to steal my personal belongings or violate my personal space increased with a sense of urgency. I would estimate about ten ichinensei boys attacked me with a fury held for the insane. In an attempt to open my bag, now held in front of my covering my crotch, one student jumped on my back and literally tried to climb over my head to get to the bag. Several other students were grabbing at my stuff from all directions. I decided I had to get out of here, so, I just started to move forward. The ichinensei decided to stop me. I had the one kid on my back, one literally hanging off each arm, and a fourth wrapped around my leg. To make matters worse, several others kept getting in front of me and trying to push me back by the midsection. All this while trying to grab my handkerchief or bag.

Thank god I am significantly stronger than all of them combined. While I can’t say I moved forward effortless, they were unable to stop me, and I made forward progress with each step. By the time I got to the door to the teacher’s room, most had given up. Most. Ninja Wannabe was not going to stop his desperate attempts. As I opened the door to the teacher’s room, he wrapped his arms around my waste and tried to pull my back. The three other remaining students in turn grabbed him, and thus there was a chain of kids trying to keep me from entering the room. Promptly, all the teachers looked up and started to laugh… the bastards.

One English teacher walked by, laughing, and I pleaded in both English and Japanese “help me.” Her response was to keep walking forward… so, it seems I’m on my own. By this time most of the teachers returned to their work, shaking their heads and laughing. So, I kept walking forward until I got to my desk, by which time Ninja Wannabe gave up his desperate quest and disappeared from the room.

I’m just glad to know I have support.